


Snowmelt

by kathartic



Category: Tokyo Babylon
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempts at communication, First Kiss, Kidnapping, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships, one fade-to-black sex scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 04:22:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18380870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathartic/pseuds/kathartic
Summary: The bet comes to an end. When Seishirou decides he doesn't want it to, he and Subaru continue playing under new terms—terms Subaru would not have agreed to if given any say in the matter.Written for the SeiSub Hanami Exchange 2019.





	Snowmelt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The Blue Escapist (theblueescapist)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblueescapist/gifts).



> The prompt: At the end of their bet, instead of collecting, Seishirou kidnaps Subaru and keeps him locked up. Canon-divergent AU preferred.
> 
> A big thank you yet again to oh_fudgecakes for betaing!

Kyoto, _Subaru thought as he first woke, looking up at the blurry wooden beams of the ceiling._ I’m in Kyoto.

_But why would he be…_

_Ash and smoke, not incense…_

_“Ah, there you are.”_

_Subaru blinked, turning his head sluggishly to face Seishirou, who sat comfortably next to his futon. He had a cigarette in hand and tapped ash into an ashtray on the low table he’d rested his elbow on. He wasn’t wearing his suit jacket or tie. Subaru tried to speak but his mouth wouldn’t comply._

_It all took a while to return to him._

* * *

He sat on a cushion by the sliding door leading to the garden and watched a tiny bird hop around in the tree’s shadow by the pond. Branches heavy with blossoms framed the view. The weather was mild for the season and the house comfortable. Still Subaru hadn’t felt truly warm since he’d woken up in this place. Since Seishirou had left, he’d paced and paced in the rooms he could enter—some of the doors simply didn’t budge no matter how hard he pulled—but he hadn’t touched any of the food provided for him and by now he was exhausted. Subaru had attempted to bypass the spells, of course, but they were bound with more blood than he could physically expend even if he tried and a power that easily matched his own. 

He knew who’d brought him here, but he couldn’t bring himself to really believe it.   


_Which is why I am not letting you go today._

  


He bunched up the corner of the curtain he’d been thoughtlessly playing with inside his fist. Many questions remained despite Seishirou’s explanations— _hows_ and _whys_ and _what nows_ that he had no answer for. Subaru looked down at the back of his hand. No gloves. Scarred. Marked. At first he’d tried to hide his naked hands somehow, but that was useless now.

There was a hiss behind him, the sound of one of the doors he could never open. It was closed again by the time he’d scrambled to his feet and turned. In front of it stood Seishirou, a paper bag in one hand and a small suitcase in the other.

“Hello, Subaru-kun.”

“Where’s my sister?” Subaru blurted out.

“Still thinking of others first, even in your situation. Commendable, yet very silly.” Seishirou loosened his tie. It was light blue over a white shirt, like the sliver of sky Subaru could observe from his place by the door. Without his glasses, he looked like a different man.

The bandage over his eye was still there.

“Seishirou-san,” Subaru began and hesitated. It felt wrong to use his friend’s name for the Sakurazukamori, but… it was his name as well. “Please tell me where Hokuto-chan is.”

“She’s alright. Heartbroken, I assume, but alive. I made sure of nothing else—it’s not like we’ve kept in touch.”

Subaru’s knees went weak and he might have collapsed on the spot if he hadn’t leaned back against the door frame. He hadn’t realised how much tension he was holding. “ _Thank you_.”

“I brought takeout. I hope you’re hungry; the food won’t get any better when cold. I also brought you clothes, why don’t you get changed in the meantime. Here, if you like, I certainly won’t mind.” Seishirou smiled at him just like he used to following such a remark, but then diverted his attention back to the food.

“I-I’ll go get changed.”

Subaru slid the door closed behind himself so that he was alone with the suitcase. He looked inside, and froze. On top of the rest of his clothes—and they were definitely his—lay a flat round hat, the kind Hokuto loved to make him wear. He turned it in his hands and then carefully put it down again. He didn’t know this particular set of clothes but he would recognise Hokuto’s style anywhere. Subaru looked down at the shirt in his hands, the extravagant turn of the starched collar, and thought of his sister.

Seishirou would have told the truth, would he? So far, his lies had only been concerning himself and Subaru clung to that.

He resisted the urge to grip the carefully ironed shirt any tighter and instead changed into it, slowly putting on the entire red and white outfit Hokuto had made for him. He did not wear the hat.

“These clothes…” he began when he had Seishirou’s attention after entering the main room.

“Your sister laid them out for you. She didn’t put them away yet and I thought you might enjoy a piece of home.” There was an edge to Seishirou’s smile that might have been either cruelty or care.

Subaru, still standing in the doorway like he had taken root there, wrung his hands behind his back. “Seishirou-san,” he could finally bring himself to say.

“Hm?” Seishirou looked up from where he was setting the table.

“What do you want from me?”

“First of all, I want you to sit down. I know you haven’t eaten.”

Hesitantly, Subaru crossed the room, bare feet silent. He sat at the opposite side of the kotatsu from Seishirou, back held straight. Just like he’d been taught. When everything was slipping away he had to be his own anchor—though continuing this metaphor probably made him both anchor _and_ sinking ship. “I don’t understand…”

“Of course you don’t. How could a Sumeragi ever understand the Sakurazukamori—you the least of all.” Seishirou chuckled. “Maybe you will, in time.”

Subaru gripped his own knees so hard the pressure became painful. “Why don’t you kill me?”

Seishirou hummed thoughtfully as if he seriously considered the question. “There are several reasons, of course. But most of all, I don’t want to.”

Something cold curled up in Subaru’s chest, clutching at his heart. His hands tightened their hold on his knees further. He looked down at his white knuckles.

“I know it’s a lot to take in.” Seishirou lifted Subaru’s chin with one finger and every muscle in Subaru’s body tightened painfully. But Seishirou didn’t even lean very far across the table. It remained a barrier between them. “You’ll get used to it.”

Subaru doubted it.

Unpacking two large containers from his bag that Subaru didn’t even feel comfortable smelling, let alone _eating_ the contents of, Seishirou looked just like he used to when they met for dates. But back then, Subaru had known nothing but trust for Seishirou. It turned out his trust had been misplaced and he had indeed been stolen away by the cherry blossoms. He was dizzy and even sitting down had to lean heavily onto his hands so that he didn’t just collapse entirely. The table moved away from him—let it, he didn’t care—Seishirou’s blurry shape moved toward him but he barely saw—the room slipped—

Strong arms wrapped around his shoulders from behind and pulled him in, against Seishirou’s chest.

More out of instinct than true reluctance, Subaru struggled weakly, but Seishirou was having none of it and Subaru quickly stilled in his embrace. Subaru’s cheeks were wet. Why would he cry now when he hadn’t felt the need since Seishirou’s reveal? Why now, when the smell of food permeated the air and when Seishirou held him the way Seishirou would…

* * *

Seishirou, visibly amused by his terminally embarrassed state, finally let Subaru extract himself from his hold. Subaru waited, uncertain of what to do as Seishirou cleared the table, but finally settled on helping him carry everything back to the small, slightly old-fashioned kitchen.

“Here, I’ll leave the leftovers in the fridge. Eat them later. I’ll see you in the evening, Subaru-kun.”

“Wait!” Only when Seishirou’s face showed a spark of genuine surprise did Subaru realise that he’d grabbed his hand. He tried to let go but Seishirou reacted far too quickly and caught him by the offending hand, pulling him closer until they were face-to-face as much as their height difference allowed for.

“Yes, Subaru-kun?” he asked, smiling brightly. Subaru wanted to shrink back, but resisted the urge.

He looked up at Seishirou, searching for something, anything. All of this being a dream was out quickly, but perhaps it was a misunderstanding, or Hokuto was in on the joke, or—

Or, as should be clear to everyone involved, it wasn’t in fact a joke and Seishirou had indeed—what, _abducted_ him?

It wasn’t as bad as the last time, but Subaru could feel his head spin again. “Nothing,” he whispered, and to his surprise Seishirou let him go.

“You can tell me later,” Seishirou said with a mild smile, looking as kind and friendly as ever and Subaru remembered what he had intended to tell Seishirou before stumbling into his _maboroshi_.

* * *

__

Seishirou was waiting for him when he opened the door to the hospital room that was no longer.

__

“It’s been a year to the day…”

__

Before, Subaru had seen plenty of sadness, death and tragedy. Every time had hurt as badly as the last. There were things he could never get used to nor prepare himself for. How bad this would be, then, he couldn’t possibly have anticipated. He’d seen people die and suffer but he’d never seen his own life crumble before him.

__

His erased memory returned as Seishirou showed it to him, as he turned into—returned to being the Sakurazukamori. Subaru saw blood and a girl not dying but dead, and he half wished it could have been him. It should have been.

__

But he fought all of it at first. The bet was a dream, nothing of this made any sense and surely he’d be dead if he’d truly met the Sakurazukamori. And maybe he would have been angry about this elaborate practical joke if he wasn’t so certain he was dreaming…

__

Until in the end all that was left to him was to believe. As his gloves were torn to shreds, as Seishirou bared his hands…

__

“…I will try my hardest to learn to love you. Just for one year. And after that year, if I can consider you ‘special’ you will have won and I will not kill you…”

__

Just as he expected the Sakurazukamori to pierce his chest or strangle him or snap his neck or—Seishirou pulled Subaru upright by his hand, his glance piercing straight into him. Subaru couldn’t even flinch.

__

“Our year together is over.

__

“But you know, Subaru-kun, I don’t want to stop playing just yet.”

__

Seishirou made him sleep and he slept.

__

* * *

Subaru had pulled up the room's small electric heater but had left open the sliding door to the garden. The pond was frozen over in a thin, cracking sheet of ice and wet snow weighed down the branches of the large sakura tree next to it. It was still in full bloom, blossoms unnaturally pink against the melting snow.

“Are you trying to get even by driving my electricity bill through the roof?”

Subaru pulled his legs against his chest and rested his chin on top of his crossed arms.

“You're going to catch a cold.” When Subaru still didn't react, Seishirou went down on one knee in front of him, blocking the view. Only then did Subaru look up at him. Seishirou didn't remark on the silent plea in Subaru’s eyes. It wasn’t about anything in particular anyway. "I don't like you ignoring me," he said matter-of-factly.

“I’m sorry,” Subaru said quietly, more out of reflex than any honest urge to apologise. He unfolded his legs and stood. Subaru had been here— wherever _here_ ultimately was—for about two months now. His birthday had come and gone with him dodging any attempt at celebration, and so would the next if things went on this way.

“You know I can’t just let you go.”

Subaru looked up when Seishirou joined him at the edge of the room. Then a puddle of half-melted snow caught his eye and he turned away from that piercing half-golden gaze. Seishirou no longer needed the bandage, but his right eye had definitely been blinded. Subaru found it hard to look at. His fingers were tense and he had no idea where to put his hands. “Why are you hiding me anyway?” he asked, a question he’d avoided for weeks now after never getting a satisfactory answer.

“A good question.” Seishirou was a blurry shadow at the edge of his vision. The shadow put his hands into his suit pockets casually and their elbows touched. Subaru did tense, but he did not jerk away like his instinct told him to. Instead, he let the warmth of Seishirou’s body diffuse through their clothes and into his skin as a comfort. Nobody here was going to judge him for it and he was too tired to do that to himself. “I brought things to their natural conclusion. Well, one of several. Killing you would have been another, but the terms of the bet might no longer have agreed with that one…”

“But you could—we could have—”

“—continued our strange one sided courtship ritual ad infinitum? I don't think so. Besides, I don't much like sharing.”

“It wasn’t one-sided,” Subaru said so softly that Seishirou leaned in.

“Pardon?”

Subaru opened his mouth to repeat himself but found that he couldn’t.

He needed to get out, but there was nowhere to run. Subaru pushed past Seishirou and stepped onto the wooden veranda surrounding the inner courtyard with the garden. It was slippery and the snow soaked through his socks immediately. He still hurried further among the bushes and trees, until Seishirou caught him by the wrist. “You get sick easily,” he said as Subaru turned, wild-eyed. “Come back inside.”

“You scare me.”

“That’s reasonable. Still, the flu should scare you more.”

It didn’t. How could Seishirou think such a triviality could even matter? “Is this another game?”

“What, worrying about your health?” Seishirou said, laughing.

“No. I mean… this.” Subaru made a weak gesture that encompassed the entire situation.

Seishirou tilted his head. “Let’s move this back inside.”

“No,” Subaru said, taken aback at the sharpness of his own voice. To his surprise, Seishirou’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly. “Just let us talk,” Subaru said, more gently.

Seishirou sighed dramatically and lifted his hands in fake surrender. “Fine. I am keeping you here because I keep my word, which is the more… flattering explanation.” An explanation that Subaru couldn’t entirely make sense of, but he waited for Seishirou to finish. “The other explanation is that I am a selfish man.”

“But what is it you want, then? I don’t understand…”

Seishirou put a finger to his lips and tilted his head back in a mockingly thoughtful gesture. “Coming from you I can believe that,” he said and his voice was surprisingly earnest. “But never mind. I can show you. Well, the most obvious part of it.”

“Do it,” Subaru said without hesitation and immediately was grateful that the biggest mistakes of his life had already been made when Seishirou smirked and stepped closer.

Seishirou put a hand flat against the small of Subaru’s back and pulled him in against his body. They were close now in a way they had never been before, despite all the teasing hugs. Seishirou held Subaru’s chin between thumb and index finger. “You can still run away,” he said quietly.

Subaru looked up at him, searching, trying to figure out who he was dealing with and whether trying to differentiate between Sakurazukamori and Seishirou even made sense. Or maybe if he should run, tear himself from Seishirou’s grasp and retreat to—not privacy, but something akin to a safe distance if such a thing still existed.

Whatever decision he would have made in the end came too late when Seishirou leaned down to kiss him. Gently and much like he would have expected from the persona he knew, had Subaru ever dared to expect anything like this in the first place. Kissing back was a mistake and he knew that.

But this was Seishirou, and Subaru _wanted_ it.

  


_I am in love with Seishirou-san._

  


It was slow and drawn out and Subaru soon felt lightheaded. He knew his face was as pink as the blossoms above. He clung to Seishirou’s arms in an attempt to steady himself. When Seishirou broke the kiss, Subaru wasn’t entirely sure whether he’d wanted this to go on or not.

Subaru leaned his cheek against Seishirou’s shoulder. He was standing in a puddle of melting snow.

“Go warm yourself up. Unless you want me to join you in the bath?”

Subaru flushed under Seishirou’s gaze that did not speak of a joke at all. He shook his head and hurried back inside, Seishirou’s cheerful laughter following him.

* * *

Seishirou never told him the reason for it, but when he came back one day, shopping bags full of groceries in hand, he was in an extraordinary good mood. Subaru, who had never been great with cooking, hovered about the kitchen while Seishirou prepared their dinner. Seishirou would make jokes occasionally, or tell an almost certainly fabricated story from his trip to the shop.

All in all, the situation was terribly mundane, and Subaru had to admit he enjoyed it thoroughly, despite his first instinct which told him to be distrustful. Or his second instinct which told him that even if he could trust Seishirou, he was still stuck with him against his will, possibly indefinitely. But for now, it was alright.

One day, he’d have to face the fact that he hadn’t even made the attempt to escape.

“That was really good,” Subaru said when he’d finished the seconds Seishirou had talked him into eating. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. I’m happy as long as you enjoyed it.”

That was most likely true—it was also just a bit too much. What were they—was was he _doing_ , acting like everything had gone back to normal?

“Excuse me,” Subaru all but forced himself to say, got up and left the room. As he prepared his futon to bury himself under the covers, he could hear Seishirou do the dishes and clean the kitchen over in the next room. Subaru shoved aside the instinct to go and help.

By the time Seishirou came to check up on him, Subaru was pretending to be asleep, rolled up on his side and facing the wall. Seishirou would surely follow him into the garden if he tried to get some time to himself there, but he hadn’t once tried to wake him yet—

Seishirou sat next to him. Subaru could feel the ghost of an accidental touch against his back.

He should at least have made an _attempt_ to shatter the wards, even if there was hardly a chance, he should have fought back in the _maboroshi_ , and most of all he shouldn’t have dinner with his captor. Not even when his captor was Seishirou.

Subaru swallowed around a dry lump in his throat when Seishirou gently stroked his shoulder.

What Subaru should do and what he actually did were usually congruent with each other. He did as he was told and he acted the way he considered best for everybody else even to his own detriment. Hokuto had told him as much (disapprovingly, of course) and Seishirou of all people had known this from very early on.

It wasn’t the right thing to do, but Subaru didn’t tense and he didn’t shy away from Seishirou’s touch. In fact he surprised himself with his own boldness when he rolled onto his back and silently looked up at Seishirou’s mismatched gaze. It hurt, seeing him like this. Partially because it was his fault still, and partially because it was Seishirou who had been hurt.

Subaru propped himself up on one elbow and reached out slowly, like one would towards any animal with sharp teeth and a taste for biting. It seemed neither fair nor wise to startle the Sakurazukamori.

Surprisingly, Seishirou let him touch his face. Subaru brushed his fingertips across the skin near the corner of his blind eye, then down to his cheekbone. There, Seishirou caught his wrist. Not violently, as he was certainly capable of. Theoretically, Subaru could have torn himself free. He didn’t try to.

The pentagram on the back of his hand flared to life with a gentle white pulse and a near-painful tingle when Seishirou kissed his knuckles. Subaru remembered a different kiss, just as intimate though far less chaste.

He let Seishirou kiss his hand and tenderly nip at the skin. That’s who it still was, his good friend for a year and decidedly more today. His breath sped up and while he couldn’t see it, he knew he’d flushed crimson by the time he pulled back his hand. Seishirou allowed him the movement but did not let go. Subaru looked down at their joined hands, with Seishirou’s larger and more decisive than his, and in a flash of courage leaned down to kiss it.

He briefly looked up at the other but quickly lowered his glance again when the whole sharpness of Seishirou’s eyes lay on him. Just as he had allowed Seishirou to do as he pleased, Seishirou gave him time to explore. Not a lot, though, until he pulled Subaru up against his body. Subaru wondered briefly whether a lack of patience might be one of Seishirou’s weaknesses, but that thought (as well as any other) was eradicated by the touch of Seishirou’s lips against his.

They kissed, more and for longer than Subaru could have dreamt of. And later, when Subaru was on his back with Seishirou looming above him, descending upon him—dark and unreadable—Subaru willed himself ready for this.

  


Subaru slept curled up against Seishirou’s side. Cigarette smoke permeated dreams he wouldn’t remember later on.

* * *

The house opened up to him when Seishirou was there. Subaru followed him around at times, joining him when he was doing chores and sitting in the kitchen while Seishirou cooked. They didn’t talk much. What could they possibly have to talk about, after all? Seishirou didn’t have stories from his clinic to tell any longer and Subaru hardly knew what to think about, let alone talk.

They didn’t once mention the events of that evening. Seishirou probably didn’t consider it necessary in the first place and Subaru was glad he could avoid thinking about it—some of the time, it even worked.

* * *

Subaru had just gotten changed into the new clothes that Seishirou had brought him when he returned to the main room. It pained him to know that Hokuto still bought, made and laid out new clothes for him—but then, didn’t it make sure they knew the other was alive and—reasonably—well?

Seishirou was waiting for him. “Check your pockets.”

Blinking, he pulled a piece of paper from his jacket. It was light green and he was impressed at how well it fit the colour of today’s ensemble. But that was to be expected from his sister, wasn’t it? The true marvel came from holding it in his hand, a letter from Hokuto. The corners of his mouth twitched upwards into the shadow of a smile. ”Why are you letting me have this?”

“You’ve been pacing a lot, recently. I thought this might make you a bit more agreeable. I did check it for spells, though.”

Subaru folded the paper into a small square and put it back in his pocket. He could feel it through the cloth. His chest was hollow. “Thank you,” he said, mouth dry. His hand curled around the letter in his pocket. The way he’d folded it, it fit his palm and he knew one thing for certain: Seishirou would have to pry it from his fingers if he wanted it back, though he didn’t seem particularly interested. “Can you leave me alone for a bit?”

Seishirou just nodded, and left the room.

He sat down with his letter. Unfolding it, he had to resist the urge to just hold it in his hands forever, staring at Hokuto’s handwriting without reading. But who knew how much time he had for himself before Seishirou decided it had been enough? The characters blurred before his eyes, but he read.

_Dear Subaru,_

_I hadn’t expected you to leave for your honeymoon without warning!_

Subaru couldn’t help but smile a little in spite of himself. The letter took a more serious turn quickly, as it went on:

_I hope he’s treating you right, because I will personally kill him if he isn’t. Maybe even if he is. He deserves it._

_Obaa-chama is worried sick and so am I. If you can, answer me please, okay, Subaru?!_

It went on conversationally, the topic shifting to the events at school and one funny job that had been faxed to his machine despite him being officially out of commission, something about a poltergeist stealing from the family’s pantry.

In the end, he read his sisters name written in plain kanji, with none of her usual drawings to accompany it.

Subaru folded the paper back up neatly. There was no envelope to put it back into, possibly because Seishirou had discarded it after checking the letter for spells. But that wasn’t important now. What counted was hearing from Hokuto, knowing she was alive—and that she knew he was okay. Not that she could know for certain, could she? But how would he be able to get back to her?

Was it a good or a bad sign that Seishirou would give him this letter? Did it mean he was ready to share him with the world again? Or did it mean that he felt so secure in Subaru not being able to leave—or not wanting to leave—that he thought the risk was worth taking?

“Did Hokuto-chan write something nice about me?” Seishirou wrapped his arms around him from behind and Subaru almost jumped.

“You—you read the letter,” he said when he’d caught himself. “I’m sure you know already.”

Seishirou chuckled, right next to his ear. “Well, I had to. Safety first, you know.”

Subaru didn’t know and Seishirou certainly hadn’t had to, but he just nodded. He struggled free from Seishirou’s painfully warm embrace and padded across the room. “I’d like to write a letter to Hokuto-chan. Would you leave it for her when you fetch the next set of clothes?” Subaru looked outside into the garden. It was beautiful, snow or not, he noticed not for the first time. He might have been able to appreciate it if he was a visitor…

“Oh, Subaru-kun. I think we’re having a grave misunderstanding here.” Seishirou prowled over to him, though not quite as menacing as his words might imply. “You’re in no position to make demands.”

“What position am I in, then?” Subaru lifted his chin, gritting his teeth to keep at bay his flight instinct as well as the feeling that he should not be fighting with Seishirou in the first place. Seishirou should not have done the things he did either, but just because things had started out wrong did not mean they had to make the same mistakes. He held his ground regardless when Seishirou crossed the room in a few measured steps. Even if he’d wanted to run there would have been no place to go.

“Subaru-kun, you’re adorable as always,” Seishirou said when he was right in front of Subaru, taking up most of his field of view. Not that Subaru would dare look anywhere else in this situation.

With the way his cheeks heated up, maybe he should have looked somewhere else, though. “That—that doesn’t have anything to do with it, does it?”

“I suppose it doesn’t.” Seishirou tilted his head in what might have been the slightest of nods. Then he reached out to grab Subaru’s wrists gently. Subaru didn’t need to struggle to test the strength of Seishirou’s hands.

“What are we doing here, Seishirou-san?” Subaru said quietly. Pleadingly, even.

Seishirou’s smile was—serene? Wistful? There was no way to determine for sure whether it was fake or real, of course, but to Subaru it looked surprisingly honest. Admittedly, looking back he surely was the wrong person to evaluate Seishirou’s smiles. After all, had he ever even suspected anything? He’d been laughably naive…

“We’re still playing a game, Subaru-kun.”

They were and he hated it. It was as unfair as the bet had been. “I never wanted to play in the first place. I didn’t know I _was_.”

“Just be glad you didn’t lose.”

Subaru was momentarily frozen. He didn’t feel the grip on his wrists anymore, he didn’t see the room, even Seishirou had gone out of focus. With the terms of the bet being what they were…

Seishirou let go of him and Subaru sat, unable to support the weight of his body any longer. His thoughts were spinning, racing… Seishirou’s hand settled on his nape. Subaru imagined a strike, a breaking of his body akin to the breaking of his sanity— _he had made no attempt to flee_ —but Seishirou’s touch remained gentle. Gentle even though Subaru _knew_. Elbows resting heavily on his knees, Subaru buried his face in his palms and rubbed his aching temples.

Did not losing automatically mean winning?

Subaru certainly did not feel like the winner.

But things had come into motion somehow. And Subaru? He’d moved in a way he hadn’t expected of himself. Or rather, barely moved away from where he’d started: Subaru couldn’t deny he still felt for Seishirou. In a more complicated but not an essentially different way. And Seishirou didn’t know that yet, did he, even though Subaru’s behaviour should have been a hint, or several.

When he opened his mouth, Subaru couldn’t bring himself to say those words that in their seriousness probably warranted a proper introduction. But he knew he wouldn’t say them outside among the flowers and chirping birds. And he wouldn’t say them now, with Seishirou towering above him. He couldn’t do it either way.

Nothing he had to offer to Seishirou in words or actions would help them out of the impasse they had manoeuvred themselves into.

“Subaru-kun?”

They. Them.

Yes, Subaru was stuck, not just metaphorically but in every way that counted. But _it’s not just me_.

There was no guarantee for change, much less for improvement—not even for Seishirou’s cooperation. But there was time.

“Will you sit with me?” Subaru asked, reaching for Seishirou’s hand. He looked up at Seishirou, meeting his detached glance with only the faintest of blushes. Even though his heat beat violently in his throat, he gently pulled him down so they sat next to each other. Yes, they had time.


End file.
